As I lifted off, Ella Fitzgerald was singing “God Bless the Child” on the flight’s Jazz Mix. The sun was setting in the West, as we headed out over the water. It was the most beautiful moment. Pure Elation, would be putting it mildly, or accurately. Finally!
Just 30 minutes before arriving at the airport to depart, I went through a cycle of emotions. I was anxious, annoyed, snippy, flustered, nervous, fearful, sad, regretful even. I actually said, “I don’t want to go.” I am a controlling person by nature, or nurture; and the idea of flying off into the unknown is unsettling. This time, I did not pack my little black schedule book. I left it back in the States, where it belongs. I did not want a calendar to dictate my trip. Instead, I would surrender to the whims of spontaneity.
It’s scary to let go. It’s not easy to do, especially for the overly sentimental, like myself. My whole life I have practiced saving things that have memories attached to them. I have stored them neatly in boxes, with the year labeled on the outside. I have done this since I was 9 years old, and have a box for almost every year of my life.
While I was planning this trip to Portugal, I was also moving out of my apartment. I packed up my whole life. Every single last box, placed in another box, that was placed in an even bigger box – a 5’x15’x13′ storage unit. It took me about a week and a half to slowly move my life into this storage unit. As I did, I realized I have too much stuff. Very little of it has been serving me, but rather keeping me busy – a Controlled Chaos, if you will.
Over the past year, I have been inspired to simplify my life more. I long to live in the moment, and not live by a rigid and unwavering plan. I want to be more flexible, and part of that is knowing I can’t do this all at once. Change takes time. For now, I’m leaving everything behind and will have to sift through it all when I return and decide what is worth keeping in my life – practicing patience, flexibility and Grace.
Ultimately, I was excited in the car ride on the way to the airport.
I was just nervous to step outside the box of a life in-control.
What in your life is not serving you?
What are you tempted to let go of?
A piece of furniture? A relationship? A job? A bad attitude? Fear?
What is the best possible outcome if you do LET GO?